This is a list that describes me! What I like, dislike, etc., and some of them will have a brief summary of why.

I Like/ Enjoy:

Food:

I am an emotional eater. I eat when I’m happy, sad, depressed, etc. I use to eat a lot after the eighth grade thinking I would gain weight or get a bigger ass, but it never happened.

Movies

I don’t need to explain this really, but I watch movies all the time, even the same one’s over and over again, so that I can escape from my life. It sucks being alone and depressed all the time.

Sleep

Sleep doesn’t need to be explained, but then again, it’s another way for me to escape the real world.

I Dislike/ Hate:

Sex

I’ve had a lot of it, and at this point in my life, it doesn’t mean much to me anymore. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m not having sex again in life, it’s just that I’d rather have sex with someone who loves and cares about me. I don’t want to rush into a relationship just for sex because I can get it when I want to, but I just rather not be bothered with having to plan it out. Since having Jeremy, I don’t get much time to myself, so when I do, I usually go to the club, I don’t invite guys over to my house to have sex. I want someone with substance. To me it’s more about quality than quantity. Getting the most guys doesn’t faze me anymore, but finding the one guy who’s worth it is where the real challenge is. I don’t want it if it’s that easy.

My Family

Okay, so, were supposed to love our family and all that shit, but I can’t stand mine. My mom and grandma, in my opinion, are punishing me for having my son so young. My grandma was fifteen when she had my uncle, I was nineteen when I had Jeremy, and my mom was twenty-four when she has my brother, so I’m kind of in the middle. My mom doesn’t want to be bothered with Jeremy at her house, but she’ll come to my house and try to dictate to me what I do and don’t need to do, in regards to raising him. Sometimes I do agree with her, but she needs to butt out. My grandma has the same issue. She wants me to stay home with Jeremy and not go out or have a life, but I’m not going through that the way that she did. If I want to go out, then dammit, I’m going, and I won’t let her ruin my plans again like she did for New Year’s Eve. I’m still pissed off about that by the way.

People

I hate people, mostly females, and black females especially, because they cause too much drama, and for no reason. I could go in on this, but I won’t because I’ll just wind up making myself angry, but I will say that I hate how judgmental people are.

Being A Mom

Don’t get me wrong and misinterpret things and make it seem like I hate my son because I don’t. I hate being a mom. I hate it because I feel that I am too immature, I have no real goals in life, I have no job, no car, no money, and no sense of direction as to where I want my life to go. I feel that it was the worst mistake I could have made thus far in life. I feel that no matter what I do, I suck at this gig. I feel like shit because I can’t go into the store and buy something for Jeremy. Even though he’s only one, I’d still like for him to have nice things. I feel like I’m a failure as a mother because I get really frustrated with him and yell at him sometimes. Every now and then I get a break from being around him and I feel guilty because I don’t call to check up on him. I don’t know what I’m doing and I feel like I’ll always suck as a mother. I couldn’t keep his dad around, and I feel like Jeremy will leave me too, or resent me like his dad does. I wish I could make all the negative feelings about being a mom would go away, but I know it’s not going to happen until I have a way to support him on my own. I don’t like to ask for help when I need it because my mom and grandma talk down on me about it sometimes, whether they know or will admit to it or not. I feel like as Jeremy gets older, I will become like my mom and grandma and Jeremy will hate me.

I Love/ Adore:

Jeremy

AS much as I hate being a mom, I love Jeremy. He can make me mad as hell at him, but he’ll smile at me and it’s like he didn’t do anything at all. He looks just like me, acts like me, and does the funniest things. I just wish I was a better mom to him and could give him stuff like my friends can do for their kids.

Cooking

If you like to eat, you have to know how to cook, and I’m not talking about pressing a button on a microwave.

What I Like About Myself:

I am smart, funny, annoying, head-strong, and one of a kind.

What I Dislike/ Hate About Myself:

1.       The fact that I can’t gain weight

My metabolism is too fast for me to gain weight. It’s a good thing, but I can’t make my body look the way I want it to unless I obtain more body fat, which won’t be happening anytime soon.

2.       My hair

It fell out when I was thirteen years old due to an autoimmune disease and it won’t grow back. I’ve been wearing wigs and have been treated like shit ever since. It’s one thing to be short, but when you’re a short, balding black girl, the shit takes a toll on you when people constantly talk shit about you. They don’t know why my hair fell out, but to be completely honest, whether they know the reason or not, it still does hurt my feelings when people talk about me not having hair. My hair use to hang to the middle of my back and now I look like a boy. I feel ugly and disgusting. My friends say that I look pretty without my hair, but I think they’re only saying it to try and make me feel better. I hate that. I don’t want pity; I just want people to understand my situation before they jump to conclusions. Why would anyone in their right mind, with long flowing hair just cut it all off? I don’t get that. I also feel as though guys don’t talk to me for this reason. It’s not like  woke up one day and decided to do this to myself. Shit happens, and I feel like I’m being judged for it, so I usually don’t talk to guys anymore because as much as I’d like to explain to them from the beginning about my situation, I never do. Not that I really care, but I wonder how they feel about it..

3.       My A-N-T (ass and titties)

The only thing big on me is my nose and lips. I’ve never had a big ass or big tits, well, when I was pregnant, but that didn’t count because if I would have never gotten pregnant, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place. I feel that guys never talk to me because I don’t have big boobs and a big butt, and they’d say that they don’t pay attention to that when they’re looking for something in a girl, but they’re lying. I haven’t seen too many guys who go for girls who have good personality. It’s all about looks. Now that I’m older, if I were to get my boobs and ass done, it would be for me, not to please anyone else.

I Wish:

1.       I had my hair back. I’ve accepted the fact that I won’t have hair on my head for the rest of my life, but I still wish I had it back.

2.       I was an inch or two taller.

3.       I had a job so I can buy nice things for Jeremy, and go on vacations.

4.       I had a car.

5.       I had a boyfriend, or at least someone to chill with, and do fun things with.

6.       I had better friends, and better people skills.

7.       The guy that I like would notice me like I notice him. He knows that I like him, but I don’t think he likes me like that, so he ignores me. =/

8.       I was cuter. I really don’t think I’m an attractive person, by any means, and guys tell me I’m cute, beautiful, etc. just to have sex with me. It doesn’t work, but they get an A for trying.

9.       I could be BFF’s with Drake. I love his music, and he seems like a really awesome person. =)

10.   I wish I could meet someone who is made especially for me. The sooner the better, but no rush. I want him to be perfect. <3