De’Sean is getting on my nerves, again.

One minute he wants to be cool with me and misses me, then the next he’s making threats towards me because I won’t let him keep Jeremy by himself. I have my reasons for that that I won’t reveal, so just leave it at that.

I have a very low tolerance for any of his bullshit. I’ve dealt with him and his mood swings for the last four years and I refuse to go through it any longer. My name is Sheena, not Dummy, and I refuse to let him walk all over me. I’ve given him what he wants time and time again, but it’s my time now to get what I want, and I want for him to STOP acting like a girl and getting mad at me when he doesn’t get his way. I don’t understand why he can’t accept things the way they are and move on.

He tells me that I act like Jeremy isn’t his son, but who’s the one who’s been taking care of him since birth? Who’s the one who was begging and pleading with him to see his son more, and to buy him diapers and wipes and things like that? I did. My family, as well as myself, of course, has been the main providers for Jeremy. De’Sean has done very little to help me with Jeremy and gets mad because I won’t make an hour and a half bus trip to his house. It would be different if Jeremy wasn’t 26 pounds and I didn’t have to carry his stroller and diaper bag with me, but that’s how it works. I don’t have a car to drive; therefore, I’m stuck taking the bus everywhere, unless I can get a ride, which isn’t too often because everyone wants gas money and I don’t have income other than welfare.

I’m only one person, taking on a major responsibility. I can only do so much, and between taking care of Jeremy at least 95% of the month, the least De’Sean can do is get his ass on a bus and come see his child. I wouldn’t mind meeting him halfway, it’s just that a lot of the time, I don’t have the energy to get dressed, get Jeremy dressed, and go nearly 15 miles, by bus, all the way to his house. You’d think he’d understand that, but, obviously, I didn’t get him pregnant, leave him alone with a baby to raise on his own, and pretty much say fuck you to him and my son. After all this time, it still hurts a little, but, for the most part, I have moved past what he’s done. I don’t hold it over his head like I use to, but, at the end of the day, it did happen, and I’m still a single mother, and he continues to play the “he’s my son” card, and I’m tired of that shit.

So, from now on, if he can’t play by the rules, then I’m not talking to him again. The norm usually consists of him getting mad at me and him not seeing Jeremy for a long time, so I don’t know when the next time he’ll see Jeremy. I hate that for my son, but if De’Sean doesn’t want to be a part of his life, then so be it, but at the end of the day, De’Sean is missing out, and not Jeremy. It sucks that he has to be without his dad, but I will always be the man in his life until one comes along.